It’s 5:30am and the house is quite, so very quite. Not even the dogs and cats are on the prowl which is unusual as they often get up as soon as I do, either looking for food or to go out to relieve themselves. But this morning it is just me. I should be in bed. I hate this time of day, and though I usually get up at 6:30 or so I have never gotten used to it. I am definitely someone who prefers night to morning. This morning though I awoke to persistent, nagging thoughts, Thoughts that could not be ignored. If you read my introduction post then you probably read my article on being a “sell-out” chef here and know that some time ago I moved from the restaurant world into the world of institutional foodservice. I am happy about the move I have made. It has given me back a semblance of a normal life. I get to spend time with my wife and daughter, I get to explore hobbies I have put on the back burner for years, and I it has given me the time and distance I have needed to help revitalize that passion for food I once had. Sometimes, though, I have my doubts. I miss the life and sometimes wonder where I would be if I had made different decisions in my life. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t regret any of those decisions, but I do sometimes wonder what life would have been like if I had chosen differently. My recent “crisis of faith” if you could call it that, came as I was surfing the web, not long ago, and came across the website for Schwa. “Schwa” is owned and run by a chef who used to be a cook for me, in Chicago. I think it is great that Michael has excelled in his career and I am glad to see that he reached the potential I saw in him so many years ago, but I also can’t help feeling a little jealous. Here’s a young man who as risen to the pinnacle of his career and with so many more years to go, he could rise even higher. Sometimes I feel that that should be me. I should be the one creating cutting edge food, the one receiving all the press and accolades, the one completely dedicated to his craft. But then I look in on my beautiful, little daughter, still asleep and I know the decision to choose my family over my career was the right choice. In fact, for me, it was the only choice. I know that the jealously I feel towards all those cooks of mine, who went on to greater things, pales in comparison to the regret I would feel at missing my daughter grow up. I’ve worked under many a chef who missed most of their children’s lives and I made a pact with myself that no matter how passionate I became about my career, I would never lose focus about what is important in life. For me the most important thing is my family. So, while the doubts and jealously might linger, I know, that for me, I have made the right decision and I have no regrets about the path I have chosen for myself.

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